Did you ever hear something so retarded you couldn't even believe it came out of someone's mouth? This happened to me this morning. The radio talk show I listen to had two workers on the phone and was doing a job comparison. Jason worked for a municipality, Bob worked as a painter. Joe is the host.

Joe: When was the last time you smoked weed on the job?

Jason: last year

Bob: yesterday (which will explain his next answer)

Joe: Have you ever faked a religion to skip a day of work

Bob: yes

Joe: Which holiday did you take off - Good Friday?

Bob: No, President's Day


Bob, put down the weed. You seriously may have done some brain damage over the years. Or maybe it was all those times you didn't wear a mask and the paint fumes made it to your brain. I don't really know what happened to you, but I suppose as long as you can tell blue from yellow, then you're still okay, right?

Me: Ryan, you are so annoying
Ryan: Your face!
Me: Your mom!
Ryan: 7!
Me:......what?
Ryan: Ha! I win!

I'm tired of worrying about money and mortgages. Who is with me on that? Today is all about mindless entertainment. So forget about that depressing credit card debt and the money issues driving you crazy and enjoy six minutes of humor.

Angry and fuming about a friend of mine, my husband tried to calm me down. "Honey, look at it this way. Friends are like a pair of clean underwear, it's always nice to know you have one."

I came up with a great idea. Everyone is freaking out about how much it is going to cost us to do this stimulus package. Well, if you were watching yesterday while Obama signed it, you would have noticed that he used ten different pens. They're suppose to be used as memorabilia for those who helped create it. I have a better idea. Auction them off on Ebay. Who wouldn't want their own little chunk of history? This package could save the country - could you imagine what the pen it was signed with (by the first black president)would be worth? We could use the money to fund the plan. That chair he was sitting on? Ebay! What about the desk the stimulus plan was signed on? Ebay! The silly tie he was wearing? EBAY! Talk about stimulating the economy...this could work :)

I was doing my grocery shopping yesterday in Walmart. Walmart is the only place where no matter how backwoods and white trash you are, there is someone there who has you beat. While walking around in a desperate search for pineapple, I couldn't help but overhear two employees talking. Talking is an understatement. They were actually shouting to each other across the entire produce section. While slightly annoying to have one yelling in my ear asking the other about her tax return, I about died when I heard the response. With much glee and happiness in her voice, she yelled back, "My boyfriend is gonna buy me somethin' nice with the tax return." yup...yelled loud enough that even the people by the tomatoes heard her. So if you are feeling down with your crappy Valentine's day gift, or think you might be a little too white trash, take heart in the fact that you aren't this girl.

I find that it is better to spend at least a little money to do something fun, then to scrimp every penny and be bored out of my mind. Even though it is a recession, everyone needs a bit of fun right? We all went to the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) event in a nearby town. It was all of the spectacular bull-jumping, cowboy-tossing, and horrible junk-food-eating I had hoped it would be. If you have never been to one, you gotta go. By the way, that picture is mine. Don't rip it off or I will find you.

Since my last post was sad, I decided to add some comedy to keep my blog from being a downer. Enjoy the video!

This happened about a month ago, but the controversy is still swirling so I thought I would put my two cents in. The summary of what happened is that an elderly man (wife died a few years ago, no kids) wasn't paying his electric bill in Bay City MI. The company came out and put a limiter on his house that acts like a fuse. You use too much power, it blows and you need to walk your happy butt outside to reset it. The 93 year old was found three days later by a neighbor checking in on him - he had froze to death. His house had ice on the inside of the windows and it was 39 degrees. Think about how much your hands hurt when you get really cold - it's about 10 times worth with hypothermia. That is how he died. Tragic story right? but as time goes on, it is seriously getting worse.
Come to find out, the man was a World War II veteran. He also had slight dementia, which means even if he did know what was going on, he would most likely forget on his way to fix it.
The electric company NEVER explained to him that there was a limiter on his house or what to do when it was tripped.
The worse part? There on his counter was the electric bill with the check in full paper clipped to it. You...have...GOT...to ....be...kidding...me
Not only that - he left everything to Bay Medical Center (a whooping $600,000)So it's not like he was broke, he just didn't have the mental capacity. But did anyone try to contact him? Did they stop to say, "hey, we are putting this little do-dad on your power source. Do you by chance have a check for us?"..."oh...I see you aren't quite all there mentally- I'll just let the neighbor know so that you don't die a cold and painful death."
Good job Bay City electric, you are all morons.

We have all seen the commercials. Mail in your gold and they give you a check. They even had a great Superbowl commercial with Ed McMahon and MC Hammer. But when my family saw it, our reaction was "how do they afford to pay them if everyone is getting a great deal on their gold?" The following site did a test with some gold jewelry.
Pawn shop appraisal: $198
Cash4Gold: $60
Call to demand gold back, offer raised too: $178

Wow. So, if you are thinking of shipping grandma's ring off for some quick cash, think again.

See whole article here

So a senator is trying to pass a law in Michigan making it required for children under the age of 12 to wear a helmet while sledding....not on a snowmobile, on a sled...down that little hill over there. Are you serious? First off, why is this the most pressing thing to bring to the legislature? What happened to the dying economy? It's all better now, let's talk about helmets! Secondly, what are you going to hit your head on? If you are out in the woods, obviously a tree, but who is going to go check the backwoods of Michigan to make sure everyone is wearing their helmet. Thirdly, can you imagine a police officer giving a parent a ticket for not putting a helmet on their kid - you would hear everyone say, "don't the police have something better to do?" It is the most useless piece of legislation ever. Maybe the senator who thought it up should wear a helmet during his ride on the short bus into Lansing.

I had to post this. I want my eyebrows to be like this :)

Found at Steven Humour

I saw this on another blog and thought it was a great idea. It's a quick geography game and every right answer helps the cause. Check it out.

President Obama will be ordering the Food and Drug Administration under review this week. As an avid food eater, I am shocked that it has taken this long for someone to finally ask “where has the FDA been?” While they seem hardnosed with drugs, they have faltered as of late with food. Whether it is the standards that are slipping or the inspections themselves remains to be seen.
Obama’s order comes after the well known salmonella outbreak caused by peanut butter that has affected over 500 people. While the number seems low, the actual amount of those affected could be much larger. Symptoms are flu like and some can recover without hospitalization. Also, the peanut butter company who is at fault for this outbreak has been testing positive for contamination since 2007. How can a company go this long without anyone stepping in? While jar peanut butter is still safe, literally tons of industrial peanut butter has been shipped all over the country and put into hundreds of everyday products – like those crackers you are eating while reading this.
This isn’t the first time that food has made it to consumers covered in bacteria. This past summer was marked by the tomato scare. Tomatoes were no longer available at any restaurant and most super markets. I was denied my pico at Chipotle and my yummy tomato slice at Burger King! We went three weeks without tomatoes only to find out that it was actually jalapeño peppers that were the culprits. Before the tomatoes was the spinach. E coli was running rampant on the best-for-you vegetable. While kids around the world celebrated, many were angered at the idea of actually dying from the vegetable we were promised “wasn’t going to kill us.”
The latest development is mushrooms. (read the article here: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,486534,00.html) However, unlike the peanut butter catastrophe, this company is actually doing its own recall and not waiting two years to see how it goes first. While I’m not an ideal candidate to die of listeria, my grandmother is. Hopefully with the FDA under review, food will become a little safer for us all again.

Oh yes, the Superbowl. Even people who hate football go to the party to eat free food and root for the commercials. When I told an older woman from my community that we were hosting our own Superbowl party, her reaction was "They act like it's the second coming of Christ" with the biggest eye-roll she could muster. But come on! Who doesn't love the Superbowl commercials? I'm torn somewhere between the angry box flowers (no one wants to see you naked!) and the 1 second beer commercial. Bud light also had a great one with a worker being thrown out a window. If you missed the commercials, you can check them out at http://www.hulu.com .
I'm also excited for the movie trailers that premiered. Especially for the new Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen. It looks amazing!
Other movies that I will at least rent include:
Year One
Land of the Lost
Race to Witch Mountain (if only to see Dwayne Johnson's one liners)

Speaking of movies, I watched Underworld: Rise of the Lichens
It was a great movie, just like it's former two saga brothers. Great story line and the acting was up to par. My only dislike of the movie was how fake the wolves looked. They should have went for something a little more like the werewolves in Van Hellsing. Other than that, anyone who enjoyed the first two should see this one as well, even if you only rent it.