You're Gonna Love My Nuts!

Posted by Melissa1143 on 6:17 PM

Dear Vince,
I have always enjoyed your Sham Wow commercial. I become mesmerized with your excitement and the awesomeness that is the Sham Wow. I'm amazed every time it sucks up all the water from the pie dish and then doesn't drip. It's the only commercial that can stop my channel flipping in its tracks.
However, I have a concern with your newest product, the Slap Chop. The product looks amazing, but your script seems to have a small problem. Near the end, you aren't chopping anything, you look deeply into the camera and say "You're gonna love my nuts." While completely hilarious, you have set yourself up for thousands of jokes, like the picture of this post.
just thought I'd let you know

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There's a Fiesta in My Purse

Posted by Melissa1143 on 11:17 AM

Ever have one of those moments where one of the smallest things happen and you absolutely explode? A week's worth of stress comes flying out because someone didn't use their blinker. The next thing you know you've sent that car flying into the ditch and there is a 30 car pile up behind you. It's just that one moment where you can't take another minute and you explode like a bomb. I hate my job - not the way that normal people hate their jobs. I have to take Xanax in order to cope with it. After a week full of hell, I walked in on Friday determined to not let the job get me down. Went to my office, reached in my purse to grab my breakfast and felt something...funny. I pulled my hand out and realized that my yogurt had exploded all over inside my leather purse..........BOOOOOM!

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40 Days of What the Hell

Posted by Melissa1143 on 1:27 PM

I hate Lent. For those of you blissfully unaware of what it is, it is 40 days from Ash Wednesday (last Wednesday) until Easter. It's the reason we have Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and Poonchkies (however you spell that, the browser suggests Munchkins, idiot). The real reason for its existence is for 40 days of sacrifice. Catholics, amongst other religions, give up meat on Fridays and then something they like to do for the entire 40 days. The point - sacrifice what you enjoy for God. That's all great and dandy, but this is what pisses me off. Giving up effing chocolate so that you can lose a few pounds during Lent is NOT a sacrifice!!! "Sacrificing" ice cream, smoking, potato chips, or pot doesn't count either. You don't get to use Lent as an excuse to renew your New Year's Resolution! It's about suffering, not skimming a few pounds off your ass in the process. The best is the fact that if you actually count the days there are 45 of them - so some people take this as - Sundays don't count and I can smoke a pack of cigarettes while eating my ice cream topped with chips and pot. Fantastic. That'll be fun to explain to God. "Well, I figured it was a cheat day and like I can really go 45 days without my daily intake of heart attack." Your religion is your religion, but don't rub your beliefs in my face and then pull this shit. Seriously. I'm going to Dairy Queen.

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Posted by Melissa1143 on 10:30 AM

I'm sorry for my complete slacking the last few days. I have been working hard to build a new website which has all but killed any creativity I would have had for the blog. However, I will take this opportunity to link to it even though it still needs some work - let me know what you think. Northern Mid-Michigan
I've also been working at ehow.com. For those of you that love to write, Ehow now offers payments to those who write ehow articles. Try it, add me as a friend, we'll have a money making party. I'll bring the chips and dip.
Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging again today. Wouldn't want you to come all this way just to Entrecard drop and not get any entertainment out of it. You gotta love Richard!

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