While curled up on the couch together, my husband and I had the following conversation:

Me: Why is it called spooning?

Hubby: Probably because saying "I want to knife you" kills the mood.

My husband and I are adiment about not having children...at least for right now. We're mid 20s with a whole lot of beer with our names on it and we don't want a baby slowing down our liver killing. It's not that we hate kids, we're just realists. They're a lot of work and commitment and we're pretty damn lazy.
As of late I have been having some medical problems and finally got a call from the doc today stating that I have a bacteria...antibiotics, stat! So I told hubby that the doctor had called and after he asked what was wrong, I couldn't help but blurt out that I was pregnant. I might have well told him I had cancer. The look on his face, the panic in his voice...priceless. After calming his frazzled nerves with the truth, we started idlely chatting about babies:

Me: We do keep talking about kids, maybe that means we'll want to have them one day.

Hubby: Sugar, my friends and I talk about the HIV at work, that doesn't mean I want it.

Me: We've been playing the McDonald's Monopoly all week - entering the codes online and everything

Lisa: Yeah, Jake and I are doing that too. I told him I hope we win $100,000. But then I realized: Hell, I'd be happy with a free small fry.

Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,
I highly doubt that you use $7 box dye to color your hair. Most likely, you pay someone to do this at a price that is probably about the same as my mortgage payment. Please stop trying to pretend that you actually let this substance touch your hair and find something else to sellout to.

Sincerely,
Crapless Life

I'm from Michigan. My family is suffering just as much as everyone else. We work hard, support GM, and hope for the best. Then I find this article. Why would a GM employee not take advantage of their GM discount? I would love to see this make it on CNN.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2009/04/exclusive-bailout-madness-general-motors-workers-parking-lot-filled-foreign-cars

Monologue to Family about the cats:

I don't understand why Jay doesn't like Coal. He gets so pissy when she gets near him.
She just wants to rub up against him....what boy doesn't want a girl to do that??

Dear Vince,
I have always enjoyed your Sham Wow commercial. I become mesmerized with your excitement and the awesomeness that is the Sham Wow. I'm amazed every time it sucks up all the water from the pie dish and then doesn't drip. It's the only commercial that can stop my channel flipping in its tracks.
However, I have a concern with your newest product, the Slap Chop. The product looks amazing, but your script seems to have a small problem. Near the end, you aren't chopping anything, you look deeply into the camera and say "You're gonna love my nuts." While completely hilarious, you have set yourself up for thousands of jokes, like the picture of this post.
just thought I'd let you know
~Melissa